dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
