I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
