...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I didn't notice because vodka
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
