and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
