I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
