The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
