It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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