Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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