Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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