i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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