How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
