Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
