I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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