Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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