i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
