dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
