Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
birth control should be required to get into college
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
