Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
please come you make the beer taste better
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
