"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We don't watch enough power rangers
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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