Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
