You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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