dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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