I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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