That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
