In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
