I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
