I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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