Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
