i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
