She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
