apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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