The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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