He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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