If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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