I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
