I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I need a beard to bite.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
