do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
someone threw a dead crab at me
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
