Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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