So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
