I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
