if you like me you must not know who I am
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
