I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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