her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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