My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Randomize
