a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
