my phone needs a breathalizer
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
