Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
