the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
