some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
