we made out on top of his cat.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
