I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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